Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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