What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
