Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
my poor anus
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
