So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
handjob tips. give me some.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
