After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
