Got a toothbrush?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
