weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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