So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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