I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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