god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
