I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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