She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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