I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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