Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the day after is always just damage control
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
