she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
