TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
