remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
