she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
