Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
