i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
