The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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