who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We're too hungover to prance.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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