p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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