he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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