this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
