dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
