you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
