covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
