Moan for me like Helen Keller
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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