Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
