The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
