I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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