I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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