Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
