U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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