I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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