Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
