I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
