we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
