Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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