Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
