i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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