respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
