I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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