I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
