Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
