It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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