Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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