yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
