covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
